Yup, I Resigned From My Job And No I Don't Have Another One Lined Up.

No I am not crazy, this really was a well thought out decision. A hard one – but well thought out regardless.

I have spent the majority of my life working – since I was in my early teen years – from packing groceries, selling flowers, handing out promotional flyers at traffic lights – you name it. I have always had some form of job to earn my “pocket money” and pay my way.

While my relationship with my parents has not always been the best, the one thing I will always be eternally grateful for is the gift of hard work. Nothing was ever just given to me and while growing up I looked at my friends with envy as their lives were vastly different from my own, I am extremely thankful now that the lessons I learnt back then from my parents has given me the ability to work hard and be super independent. Money was never something that flowed easily growing up and watching both my parents do plenty side jobs just to put food on the table and get us through school – I learned an invaluable lesson – nothing is given to you in life (unless your parents leave you a trust fund) and if you want something you have to earn it. No Excuses.

So this is where the hard part comes in – It’s all I have known. Work. How do I walk away from something that is part of who I am? I have worked hard to get to where I have in my career and to be honest I have often felt as though I have generally been "doubted" (another blog post on its own). I seriously thought it was the blonde hair and the “women can only do PR box” that was a constraint, or the fact that I am indeed a woman in a male dominated industry (yes times are changing - thank goodness) that took things a little bit longer than I had anticipated. Perhaps it was that I never went to a private school or some fancy university that made my journey in the work world a little bit more harder, however I have never been scared of hard work (thanks mom and dad) and have had to work double as hard then some of my male counterparts to perhaps prove my value (something white men perhaps won't understand, women know all to well about and a foreigner living in Japan can relate too) but hey, that's life and playing the victim never helped anyone. I have also learnt that in time the right people will see ones worth and contribution and that action is the best way to prove others wrong – always!

Fast forward to today - after reading every blog post, scouring the internet for sources and others to backup my decision (because we always almost always look for some sort of validation before making big decisions) to working with a phenomenal empowerment coach and a great guy supporting from the sidelines - I realized that at the end of the day – my soul knows the answer. So I stopped fighting and I started listening.

This is what I heard:

1.Love the industry I am in but I am not in love with my job

This has always been something that was important to me - my job. We spend majority of our waking hours at our place of work. I want to be sure when I am at mine that I am inspired, motivated, growing, mentoring and making a difference. This was not happening where I was. Call it what you want (and I will save this for another post) but Japanese Corporate Culture is a major mind shift as to what we generally know back home. My environment was a really tough one and certainly not the one I know I can thrive in. Circle back to almost 3 years of trying my best, I knew that it was time to call it a day. There is a major difference between “quitting” and “ giving up”. "Giving up" means you know there is more you can do but you are just not bothered anymore, while "quitting" on the other hand is the decision that something is not worth continuing if you are not getting any value back in return and yes it's a fine balance I am aware. So outside of a salary, I was getting nothing back for the amount of energy I was putting in and the corporate culture was just not aligned to my values and I realised that sometimes it is best to put that time and energy into something else.

2.It really is just me

I don’t have children and this certainly has made the decision that much more easy. I am sure there are plenty people that would love to just leave their current jobs but they have a responsibility. While I do too (because hey no matter who you are, you have bills to pay) if anything goes seriously wrong, it’s just me and there is something freeing in that. I can live with messing up my life if anything goes wrong but at least I know my actions won't impact too many others negatively.

3.There is only one go around

Yup, we get one shot at this thing called life and the older I become the more I value this. We don’t know what tomorrow brings and perhaps living abroad, some major life changes and well the beauty of aging (because with it comes wisdom), I know that outside of death and taxes - shit happens. Life is hard and sometimes bad things happen to good people - but in between that – we can control some aspects of our own journey and its in those moments that we can control that I want to make sure that every decision and action I take is aligned to a better me, a learning me, a more giving me and most of all a “I want to fvck shit up” (the good type) me.

4.I am driven by the fear of being average

Average is fine if it makes you happy but it is the fear of being average which I use to drive my daily decisions. I am not satisfied with being like the rest, doing like the rest and choosing safer options because it’s more comfortable. Fear really holds us all back and I am often asked so many times why can't I be satisfied with my current life. The answer : I want to experience more and staying the same just does not make me happy. Growth is such an important part of my DNA. I want to soak up every bit of life I can, while I can and to be honest, if I look back, my best moments in life have always been when I am stepping out of my comfort zone and into a growth zone.

5.I blocked out the noise

Yup, I told literally no one until I did "the" deed. Why, because I know all the “sense” people will try speak to me. Some with good intentions, some coming from a place of fear and some because they wish they could do the same. I don’t expect others to understand. They have not worked in my environment or will be impacted by my decision. Angelina Jolie said, “Some people say you are going the wrong way, when it's simply a way of your own”, plus to be honest, the only opinion I am learning to listen to is that of someone who I aspire to be and whose bank account I aspire to have.

6.And perhaps most importantly - I did the math

This is the where the romance of just leaving an environment you are not happy in and the reality of life come together. I know what I needed to have for basic monthly expenses and planned accordingly and scaled back while I had a current job. I also know that I am an action taker and it is important that I see money with logic vs. emotion. So instead of thinking what if I run out of money, I am working on thinking how can I make more money. Growing up with not much money and sometimes doing without has been a blessing in disguise, because I know I will survive. Why, because I have no other option. I have too.

So am I scared, FVCK sure…. petrified might actually be a more apt word. I am learning to shift my mentality from an “I need a salary” mindset to that of an “I need an income” mindset (Thanks Mastin Kipp). So here I am – I am open to whatever life has in store for me and being ready to give my next chapter a 150 % of my effort and energy.

Do I know what lies ahead?

Sure, plenty of hard work, long hours, questioning, self doubt and a scaling back of my current lifestyle but I too also know that I won't be living with regret and going into a place where I am uninspired, unmotivated and most importantly not growing (or growing others) and that for me is something money (salary) can't buy.

So with that all said, be kind to me universe, I’m trying to be brave and listen to my inner voice and hey, if you are still reading this and you see me resorting to handing out promotional flyers at the traffic lights – please take one!