Retired Hot Chick
As I get older, I appreciate and value time and my health (and sanity) so much more.
So much done and so much more to do.
I think this is a chapter in life when we should choose to become more disciplined, more focused, and relentless in pursuit of our dreams because, while we still have runway, there is a sense of urgency that reminds us we are not here forever. This urgency isn’t about getting rich (although that would be cool), but about finding peace of mind. It is for me anyway.
As someone profoundly impacted by the power of personal growth and having spent many years studying, learning from life’s challenges, and processing some self-created difficulties (and owning them too), I know that action trumps everything.
I was however never quite prepared for how hard midlife would be — especially as a woman. Like many, I’ve had a difficult couple of years. I embrace the beauty that challenges bring, and that’s why I work so hard on mental toughness to be better equipped for these moments — but this felt different.
I have spent the last five years in a fog — a maze of heavy and unbearable sadness. It wasn’t one specific thing but perhaps a myriad of them — middle age, trying to relocate and renew a visa application just to stay on — passport privilege is real folks (that’s another post on its own), and the uncertainty that comes with that, COVID-19’s impact — yes, this affected me terribly as I watched the world go literally mad because I chose to remain unvaccinated. I lost friends, a job contract, couldn’t travel, eat out, or even run a couple of road races. I was also trying to set up a business to sponsor my visa extension amidst myriads of health issues, loss of people to suicide, and honestly, loss of self. I was convinced this was causing my sadness and was taking all the action in the world to tackle it head on and address it. As I type this and look back, I am amazed that I am out the other side (cue the legendary Gen X beat “I’m Still Standing”).
I am self-aware enough to know that your quality of life, depends on how your mind interprets every passing moment. How you process life creates who you are, influences what you do, and in theory loops back to how you feel. I know I was not and still do not at times feel good, even with all the blessings I am aware of.
For those that live or know someone who lives with depression, I am sure you can relate. I have accepted depression as a companion. It’s the dark dog that hangs around. There are good and bad days, but the trick is to move on as best as possible, as we all know, those bad days, if left unattended, become nightmare days.
Fast forward to ongoing depression, suicidal thoughts, extreme exhaustion, nausea, migraines, and complete memory loss at times. I have spent many sleepless nights and countless doctors’ appointments trying to understand what was wrong with me (sorry NHS — you get a 1-star from me, and that’s being generous).Being solution-oriented, I found and still found it frustrating not to be able to find a solution — I felt like I was losing my mind.
It is crazy to think that the research shows that women aged 45 to 54, the most common age for perimenopause, have the highest suicide rates among women. Specifically, the suicide rate for women aged 45 to 49 is 7.1 per 100,000, and 6.9 per 100,000 for those aged 50 to 54. This trend highlights the severe impact perimenopausal symptoms can have on mental health and as someone who is experiencing this, I know all too well how it leads to feelings of isolation and being overwhelmed, especially when symptoms are dismissed or misdiagnosed by doctors leaving us to cope on our own.
I finally decided after reading so many similar stories of lost woman in this age group to suicide that perhaps this could be a reason why I feel just damn shitty. I organised to get my own blood tests, got my hormone levels checked (at my instistence) and figured out that I have Perimenopause. I was officially a “Retired Hot Chick”
I no longer fight against it and I at times have extremely bad days, but I know that I will not let this define me and I work on managing it as best as humanly possible.
This is what I am focusing on:
1. Movement — Movement is medicine, I have spoken about this many times. Things have changed slightly for me — as much as I love to run, I am just too physically exhausted to get out as often as I would like (thank you hormones), I do make sure I get at least 10 000 steps a day.
2. Weights — The stronger I get, the better my mental health. Next to my dogs and my partner, the gym has been saving my life. It helps me manage my depression, better regulate my hormones, and develop confidence and discipline. If you’ve never hit the gym, give it a try — it might be just the medicine you need.
3. Nutrition — I am not a health expert, but I prioritize protein first, have limited alcohol, and now drink “consciously” because if Gwyneth can consciously uncouple, I can consciously drink, no?
4. Commit to my Word — What I say I will do, I do in the day. I do not always get it right, but when I do, it builds my confidence when hormones literally make me feel worthless.
5. Creating — I am working hard on creating the next chapter of my life. There is beauty in wisdom and years and aging is a gift — not many get to experience. I am learning to accept that I have outgrown certain things and I have some brief moments of hope (I would lie to you if I said it’s all sunshine and rainbows) that I can create a totally different next half of my life if I lean forward into courage.
As someone who can see the path it takes to suicide because of my own experiences, help exists — but sometimes we must help ourselves, even in our weakest moments.
So, whether it’s anxiety, depression, or hormones (perimenopause enters the chat), don’t mess around with health — there are solutions, not easy ones, but ones that if you commit to long enough will promise to see some light at the end of the tunnel and that’s all we can ask for.
Go forth and conquer!
Disclaimer: Given the significant mental health challenges associated with perimenopause, it is crucial for women to seek medical advice to explore all treatment options, including hormone replacement therapy (HRT), to determine what is best for their individual health needs. I have tried HRT in absolute desperation but sadly have had severe side effects so am working on alternate solutions. Watch this space.
Sources:
“Severe mental illness and the perimenopause,” BJPsych Bulletin, Cambridge Core.
“Suicide rates in women of menopausal age rise,” ITV News.
“Menopausal women suicide rates are at their highest since 1996,” Healtheuropa.
