No Fuzz, Just Real Facts On How To Handle Your Dark Days From Someone Who Knows!
Depression is a real thing and probably a lot more people are experiencing it in silence now with the COVID 19 pandemic, being either stuck in lockdown or quarantine alone or worse your mind. Perhaps you are not depressed but you just feel shit. Let’s be real, these are unprecedented times and we all respond so differently. So this post is not just about COVID 19 and how you are handling the “new normal”, it’s about anything you perhaps are going through that leaves you feeling just flat out shitty!
I’m not here to sell all the warm and fuzzy around this topic except to say you are not alone even if you very much feel alone. I know the feels – the positive quotes and the self-love shares you see on social can irritate the shit out of you when you in this “space” so yes, F*CK “Susan” if it was that easy, don’t you think we would of tried that all before.
** Disclaimer I am pleased to state I am now an annoying Susan and love a warm fuzzy post over the next person, but I am still mindful. I say this as I have come out the other side – battered, bruised but out the other side regardless. You see – it is possible!
I remember not very long ago to be honest when I was living in Tokyo working in a very toxic environment. A toxic work environment is described as a workspace or environment that has poor communication, a relatively high turnover rate (with foreigners in my case), no leadership, no opportunity to grow, and a bad vibe (no one talks or is in a bad mood always). I was in love with my new city but not in love with my job sadly. This was amplified by the fact that this very job was something that I actually moved to a new country for, ended a marriage over and put my hand up for a very new experience because I was looking for growth and inspiring leaders to learn from and it seemed to all be well, just not that. I woke up every day struggling to make it through to the evening trying to survive in a job that was physically and mentally draining. I am a solutions orientated kinda gal, I did it all – everything they “say” you need to do – the exercise for the feel good hormones, the positive affirmations, the podcasts, the gratitude journal, you name it! The truth is, it helped somewhat but it never got rid of that gnawing feeling inside my stomach that eats up at you every day. If I got a dollar for every time I was told to burn a candle, count my blessings and be around positive energy (which is impossible when all the negative energy is coming from the place you spend most of your daily hours at) I would be as rich as I think I am after a couple of drinks. I am here to tell you that no matter what you are going through right now, I get it – probably better than most.
So here are some words of advice I wish someone gave to me when I was sucking lemons daily and trying so very hard to have my shit together. It’s generally coming from a place of love because I know all too well the pressures that are placed on you to just be happy. So no ridiculous feats, just raw, honest easy suggestions from a gal who has been there :
1. Can’t fall asleep at night – oh yes, a hell of a crap one especially when you need to get up the next day. What worked for me – YouTube, videos or anything that I can play in the background and start by watching and slowly fall asleep to. Plus if I woke up it felt like I was not alone and Detective Benson from SVU was coming to join me for a cuppa tea. If it was not a crime show, my saving grace was the Honest Guys. I found them by default and they are my “fam” that helped me ease into some sense of getting a couple of winks. If all else fails and you have not watched everything on the playlist already, try Netflix, at least they ask if you still there. Hey someone still cares right?
2. Can’t get out the house – the weekends can be hard, I was a functioning depressed person. I worked and smiled but was dying deep down inside. I moved all the way to a country for a job that I thought I would thrive in, love and grown in - so leaving it was not an option. I loved the country and the experience it was giving me (honesty alert – it was not as such in the beginning). People will suggest going for a walk to get some fresh air and to get out of bed – but when that even feels to much or its not legal with COVID 19, F*CK it, open the curtains/blinds and just let the light in. There is a whole world out there that you are being exposed to. You will join it again soon. I promise. Small steps peeps, small steps.
3. Can’t make anything to eat – you hear it all, feed your body with nutritious food blah blah. I would if I actually gave some level of f*ck about my vitamin count for the day, had the energy or even better had someone to have cooked for me. I even tried Uber Eats (cause delivery is also a win) when I was in Tokyo, funny thing is when the driver could not find my apartment he tried to call and in between his Japanese and my English, well let’s just say you will be pleased to know my Chicken wrap is probably still cruising around Shibuya somewhere trying to find a home.
So, feast you must peeps and convenience food is nothing to feel guilty about. There are some great options out there nowadays with some healthy benefits and microwaves can be your best friend. And if you have smashed your tenth packet of chips – I feel you. Thou shall not judge and that is a whole other post on its own.
4. Personal Hygiene What? – been there, done that and got the t – shirt. If you have not been assed to wash your hair, jump in the shower or brush your teeth enter dry Shampoo, wet wipes (they are life saver) and mouthwash. These are your new favorite bathroom essentials as of now. Trust me you might feel like shit but hey at least you won’t let yourself physically turn to a ball of shit. Remember you emotionally feel like crap you don’t have to physically feel crap too. Remember a small win is a win!
5. Ironed Clothes, what’s that? – oh my friends, nothing like creased clothes to make you feel like you glowing from the outside in. I was so lazy (insert depressed) to iron anything let alone take out the ironing board that a folded, neatly hung cupboard was the last thing on my to do list. Full confession here – don’t judge me but this post is about all the reals - I was supposed to be in a meeting just on the outskirts of Tokyo and was running late for my train (African Time peeps – African time), I decided to iron my pants on my legs to save time and accidentally ironed a triangle on my body. Yup these things happen. Solution – when you wash your clothes and can’t be assed to iron them, hang them on a hanger and in your room - a half crease is better than a full crease and still looks like you have some semblance of a f*ck.
6. Can’t respond to messages or even ask for help? Help - What is that? I reckon this is a weakness of mine, actually I know it is. I have always been so independent and to be honest let down before so many times that it’s better to just rely on yourself. But there are people that care, so when the messages are heating up, be kind and just respond to say you are alive – else it makes people worry. A standard message works a treat (cause I know the individual responses and explanation as to why you have been AWOL can be enough to make you well, not respond) It is a copy and paste, plus it saves you time to do more productive things like sleep. So just tell them you are alive, you are okay and you will touch base when you surface.
7. Online Shopping or Shopping is your nemesis - A wardrobe full of amazing clothes for when I will be channeling my inner JLO and “would feel better” would lull me into a false sense of something but you really just actually lying to yourself. Let’s be honest, fat pants, glam jams - they were my staple (when I was not in the office that is - although it could be debatable). I would have these amazing clothes with all the tags still on that would stare at me in my cupboard and ….. make me feel worse. If you find yourself online shopping buy clothing (insert whatever it might be) – leave it in the checkout and come back the next day to see if you really want it – chances are you don’t. I promise you will save money and if not, you have some cool stuff to give away to charity. PS Half of the homeless are walking around in Zara – I am glad I could give back. Thank you very much.
We have all been there and if not, shit yay for you and I hope you never get to this place ever. But if you find yourself here, remember your one and only job for the day is to survive. That is right. Survive for the day. This day. The now. Living your best life can be parked for another day. A sunnier day, because believe it or not – after every dark night, comes a brighter day.
Go Team!
** Mental Health is a real and very important issue, one that is close to my heart. Don’t suffer in silence. Reach out to a doctor, a friend or you can reach out to me, while I am not medical professional, I can offer some support - No judgments and privacy only. Promise!
