Lace Up!

Being real with yourself is sometimes one of the hardest things to do? It really requires a level of self honesty sometimes we can't even imagine. When you realize you are the one holding you back and the answer to the question "why me" keeps coming back to yourself you really have reached a new level of ownership of your life, your current situation and first step in making positive changes in the right direction.

I have always been an "all or nothing person", and this last year has probably been one of my hardest. I got divorced from my best friend, I lost my other best friend (my dog), took a job opportunity in Tokyo, Japan and well to be honest, am emerged in a culture and language that is all new too me and well one I don't understand. Yes all within a couple of months.

I look back now (hindsight really is always a bitch) and realize that the infamous saying is really so true, you don't go through something, you grow through something! Trust me - there were days when I was rather happy to not grow and just stay where I am...even better go back to where I was because it was safe, its was the known and well life is always easier that way.

It really wasn't surprising, to my friends and fam anyway, that I was diagnosed with the dreaded D word - depression. I think I always thought that there would be a moment when the "wheels come off" but it appeared as if the whole blimey bike fell apart and well I had no clue how to pick myself up. My friends, family and loved ones all lived very far away. The language I spoke so freely back home was well a challenge to be quite frank, and my job wasn't my old one (new team, new crew and new ways of working) - but the worst part of it all - was the narrative I was telling myself. We all know the one - the I am a mess, what have I done, why me and the all famous, I cant be depressed because depression does not happen to me. So while I trucked on with my job, faced time with the people that mean the most (you know who you are) and tried to get around the park to get those endorphins moving, every.single.day was a challenge. Not one single day went by that was not a hack. I have done some pretty challenging marathons in my life, but the sense of achievement I felt for getting up and even brushing my teeth - well cant really compare (not when you are in a dark hole). If I could of handed me a medal with a supporting marching band and the works at the end of every day, I would of. Because just moving out of the bed, let along doing minimal tasks is an effort and a half (to put it mildly).

So well I am not here to go on about depression, the stigma, the impact on your career, not enough being spoken about it and what more could be done blah blah (plenty more time for where that came from). I am here to share with you (even if it helps one of you) what helped me and what can get you back on the road to recovery.

1) Be real with yourself

Like I said in the beginning - being real with yourself is one of the hardest things to do. Because you admit that YOU are your own problem and well it really is always easier to blame someone else. I am not saying what happened to you or anyone is not a trigger for depression or the reason you should be depressed, but what I am saying is you are more than your situation or environment and how you react to it will determine your outcome. Cause lets be real, some of the shittest things can happen to some of the worlds best people.

2) Take the necessary steps

I often say "lace up"- face life head on (and don't be an ostrich) something I was so good at doing for many years. I was happy to put my head in the sand and hope that when it comes out (the head that is), well that this too has passed. So take the steps needed - take the time off work (I was very fortunate to be afforded this), see the doctor, get the necessary medication, take said medication (I refused for a long time because I did not want to admit I had a challenge) and surround yourself by loved ones, whoever that might be - friends, family, animals.

3) Compassion for yourself

Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge where you are and that it takes time to get better. You will have good days and bad days and its on the bad days that you have to be extra kind. Its okay to be where you are, its okay to cry, its okay to eat a whole bag of biscuits (or 5 , although I promise you, experience taught me this will certainly not make you feel any better) and well its okay to want to hide for a bit. Take the time to re - calibrate and stop beating yourself up for not being perfect. Depression is generally a result of where you think you should be vs where you are and if you treat yourself as you would a friend - you will be amazed at how much better you feel - promise!

4) Daily Goals (focus on the now)

I had my own "Ra - Ra" squad - the two or three people that would cheer me on (no judgments - cause lets be honest - unless you have been here - its very easy to tell people to pull their shit together) They help me get out of bed every morning and remind me to take one thing at a time. So instead of focusing on the future, focus on the now. The healing, the getting better and work towards daily goals and tasks. Simple things, like going for a walk, getting your favourite coffee or even having a shower (yup sad, but true) Small actions, tiny steps - matter so much. The impact becomes significant, so just keep on, keeping on. Its the little things that all add up.

5) Gratitude

When you are in the dark place, the other side - I know its so much easier to focus on what you don't have vs what you do. But I swear - having a little bit of gratitude each day goes a long way to your recovery. They have even scientifically proven it. Word. Scientists say being grateful and having gratitude can shift our thinking from negative outcomes to positive ones, elicit a surge of feel good hormones and build enduring personal connections. SO try find something to be grateful for, I promise you there is at least one - it can be the roof over your head when you going through a dark time, the support system, the love and kindness shown sometimes by complete strangers that remind you the world is a good place, your job, your health - something...but at least find one and you will see = your world will shift, even if slightly.

So there we have it, these are the things that really helped me and still help me if I am having a harder day than others. I truly hope I can have helped in a little way and that you know and believe that you will get through this and while you might have to work a little bit harder than others, I promise you, it will get better. Sometimes our journey through the dark side is longer than others, but the sooner you work on yourself daily and level up, the sooner you will feel better. As one of my most favourite muso's of all time said,

"After every dark night, comes a brighter day" - Tupac Shakur